To vent or not to vent, whether tis nobleer to be the slinger of arrows.
Today, I'm feeling:
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
SO I needed to write. Lots of thoughts swirling around, and just keeping things bottled up doesn't help. Hell, that's half the reason I'm divorced.
I don't know if any one reads this or not anymore. Quite frankily I hope they don't, but I needed to sort of put this out to the universe and get it off of my mind.
I miss my wife.
Though this sentence needs clarification. I don't miss the woman currently living in the apartment we used to share. I don't know her at all. I miss the woman who when she walked down the aisle in her wedding gown I forgot how to breathe. I miss the woman who I would lie in bed with before going to sleep, or sometimes after waking up, cracking each other up about innocuous subjects. I miss the woman I laid with on a couch eating apple chips one morning. The woman who turned and sneezed on my chest in the shower.
I miss her so much sometimes it physically hurts me. But she's gone. She doesn't exsist any longer, and that's the part that keeps killing me. I don't know where she went.
I never knew I wasn't whole until I met her. AFter that, I couldn't believe I had been able to live my life without her. So you can imagine the situation now that I'm back to doing exactly that.
I don't trust my feelings, I don't trust my decisions. Half the time I feel I am walking blind, just going through the day to day motions. Surviving I guess more so then living. When I had said for better or worse, I meant it with everything I am. I wish I had known then she only meant for better.
So, life goes on, day by day, minute by minute, and every day I think of the woman that was and wish to god that she was still around. I come home sometimes and expect to see her on the couch. I see something funny and my first instinct is to call her and tell her about it. When I have a bad day, I want to share it with her.
But again..... there's a woman out there that looks like the one I married, but she's not the same. So it's made everything a little hard to deal with.
I'll get by. I always do, one way or another. And in the meanwhile I suppose I should just be happy that I got six good years with that wonderful woman. And, wherever she went to, I hope she sometimes thinks fondly of me.
POSTED BYNIGHTSKYE 2:32 PM 
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is all.
POSTED BYNIGHTSKYE 3:08 AM 
Friday, July 15, 2005
I am so ok with this.